Poison

This Sunday I got the worst case of poison ivy I've ever had in my life. It showed up on my face Easter Sunday and grew progressively worse during the next 3 days.

My right eye completely swollen shut; I had little patients for anyone around me. I was irritable, uncomfortable, and upset... to say the least.

Finally, I broke down and went to a local clinic for a steroid shot.

As the swelling slowly went down I began to realize how foolish I looked. Not just my face and attitude, but during a time when my Savior sacrificed His life so selflessly, I spread my pain like poison to those around me.

I made sure I was not the only one to suffer from my ill health. Like a child throwing a tantrum, I festered in my misery.

And now, quite literally, my eyes have been opened.

I claim to love my God with all my heart and to obey His Word, yet I am so quick to turn when such momentary discomfort is imposed.

How small of a man am I?

God, I truly am a humbled man. Please take this poison from my veins that I may speak only life, rejoicing in your everlasting goodness and mercy!

Calm Waters

Calm Waters...

The storm is past. Grey clouds, subsiding.
This peace I feel is exciting.

Content with my raft, I set off.
I can't see far but I know the river will guide me
I have to get to the middle so the current will find me.

"Waterfalls are rare,
large rocks, beware,
snakes and bears don't like to share,
and you're never to old to cry."

I make this saying into a song.
I play it over and over as I go along,
I play a game of "What Might Go Wrong".

Like an old Irish pub song, I belt out...

"There isn't a fear to be near,
they're all away from here.
But if I wake up with a wolf upon my back,
there isn't an ear that couldn't hear my screams."

Through the night until sunrise,
then I will find food.

Rough Waters

Paddle.
Keep paddling.
The waves will rise and they will fall.
My spirit goes up and down.
It's a fluid cycle.
Up and down.
Where one ends, the other begins.

Paddle.
Keep paddling.
The ache in my back begs me to stop.
I fight the wind.
I fight the waves.
I fight my mind in all its ways.

My surroundings always change,
making new pictures for me to frame.
She's a wild one but gets me where I need to be.

Resignation

Hey,

Thank you for being honest with me... yet again. haha That's all I could ever ask of you. I can't say I understand, I don't know why God would give me these feelings. I just have to put my faith in The One who does understand.

Watching you grow as a Christian over the years has helped me renew and strengthen my faith in God. I had my heart broken by a girl 6 years ago and I let that affect my walk.

My heart was very bitter and I held on to that pain for a very long time.

You have the love of God shining through you. God, though you, has taught me much more about humility and selflessness.

God still has lots of heart issues to work out of me but I am willing.
I know as long as I am willing, I cannot fail.

I want you to know that I care about you so much it hurts. I don't mean that figuratively. It hurts the venerable soft parts inside, not like a bump or cut that passes in a week or month.

Love and blessings always,

Sam

The Torture of Silence

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, silence must make it wander.

The ambiguity leaves the heart to torture itself.

No "Yes"
No "No"

No "I love you" or "...hate you"

Just... silence.

Should I stay or should I go?
Don't you like me?
Because I don't know.

Some days are cold
Some days are warm
But the silence is old.

Friend or foe?
I just don't know with all that silence.

Fall Fire

The season's changing,
days grow shorter,
the last leaves fading.

Pumpkin parties,
with lots of pumpkin carving,
and bags full of candies.

Friends...
Family...
gather together around a fire.

Unrequited

One day I'll kiss you,
walk right up and plant one on you.
I'm not sure what you would do,
Whether you'd slap me or be happy.

I've been so patient, it hasn't been easy.
I'm love sick and it's making me queasy.

I scream in my head, "NOTICE ME, NOTICE ME!"
Night after night I think I can't get much sadder,
I know so much about you but it doesn't much matter.
I fear you've already decided,
my love for you is unrequited.