Dear Future Wife

Thank you...
...for being my friend.
...for listening when I'm quiet.
...for caring when no one else does.
...for being honest.
...for loving me through my selfishness.
...for making me laugh.
...for helping me when I fall and pushing me when I stall.

You are my greatest company and always have a place next to me.

Dear Sam From the last 5 years,

Dude, first off, chill out! Emo much? I get it, you got your heart broken and you're a wimpy little sap who likes to cuddle. You act like you get angry but cry before you can get there.

Here's some advice. Don't get angry and don't cry, jes'. Save it for significant things like a baby being born or something. Walk outside your front door and shake someone's hand. Then go jog around the pond at the park and figure out what you really want to do for the rest of your life. Cause we still haven't figured that out.

-Sam 11-7-11

Dear Reader

Today is Saturday. It feels like a Wednesday.

I work at night and come home tired.

I sleep during the day and live life expired.

Tomorrow's Sunday, the next day's Monday.

I stay up late to think and create.

A new week to progress, a new project to express.

Yesterday is gone. Today is here.

Every new day, I'll be sincere.

The Valley In the Desert

The thin frail man looked up. Beaten by the heat, he squinted with exhaustion and radiated with a flush face. His throat was dry and skin was blistered. He paused for a moment, almost finding rest from the sun on his back. He has watched his shadow in front of him for, what felt like, an eternity. He prayed his  shadow would return the favor and make him unseen to the sun.

"The sun," he whined in his head, too parched to speak. It scorched the sand and rock like Hell's welcome matt.

The land's thirsty orange surface resounded with chiseled character off the valley walls. He saw a distant low valley that cut through the horizon and imagined the water that once was so plentiful as to divide such indelible masses of rock. He found familiarity in the subtle brilliance of natural preservation.

"Visual cognition," he thought. The seemingly trivial college note from 5 years ago suddenly didn't seem so insignificant. He spun around, quickly mentally logging each peak and plane, valley and line, looking for an attack point, a weakness in the deserts grip. He contemplated his next step with such concentration and intent, his knees nearly buckled under the weight of thought.

"It'll have to be down," he said, fixing his attention to a distant valley where water was sure to be flowing. The thought of fresh cold clean melted mountain water made his eyes pull for tears, but none came. He was a dried up man. Time was slipping away as fast as the shadows crawled.

With each elevation drop, he noticed more vegetation. Not soft or bright, but hard, rough vegetation which could fight off the harsh evils of the desert.

"It will be night soon", he tried to tell himself.

His hollow thought had long been emptied of empathy for a relenting sun. Unconvinced of his lie, he continued. He committed to that first unnerving step. He began winding through the desert's forest of tall, unsparing cactus. He, so badly, wished this was a bad dream and he could simply cheat this cruel maze, jump over the prodding wildlife, and dip his face into the crisp blue waters of consciousness.

Knowing You

Knowing you is knowing me,
Pain creeps in and won't let me be.
The lose I live still follows blind,
thought it would lose itself behind.
The rock I kick crumbles,
time is hard to pass when all the world grumbles.
Firetrucks yell clear as a bell from my bed.
Life is hell because I fell in my head.
Knee's are bleeding but not from pleading.
Laugh off what I lost. I don't say what I let loose.
Self-inflicted for little use.
Close my eyes tight,
see you lying naked in the light.
Knowing you, my memories have won,
dream of yesterday 'til tomorrow's sun.

Oblivious

Oblivious brother bouncing door to door,
Preaching, traveling shore to shore,
Condemning man along the way,
You filter hate with what you say,
Guilting young and robbing old
of all those things you'll never hold.

You wash your food with ignorance
and eat with little substance.
It's safe to blame the strange,
But in the end, estrange.

These people you fight,
the evil you "conquer",
is your neighbor in light,
and leaving you gaunter.

You waste away with weight,
always feeling urged.
The seeds you sow, are hate,
needing to be purged.

State of Mind

Tennessee, I've been quiet for so long. My words have been short and my thoughts have been fervent.
I know you'll listen, I just don't have the words to share. I hope you see the joy you bring. I hope you seek that same. Don't settle for less and don't worry about the mess.

Illinois, keep steady. You're on the right track. Keep close friends and rarely will you lack. Remember that cities can swallow people whole. Stress inevitably takes its' toll. Priorities are the golden rule and it's always ok to request a stool. Standing's fine but eventually you'll redline.

Texas, be kind. You're unforgettable but not always for the characters you want. Be honest, to yourself and others. Each day is a blessing, each relationship, a gift. Glass shatters frequently on long trips. Bubble rap helps. It's ok to find your bubble rap. Use it, don't abuse it. All walls fall. Don't build yours too tall. The best craftsmen have calluses and happiness isn't measured by ounces.

Release

My brain is fried from all those lies.
I'm overwhelmed with ache and grief,
my shoes no longer fit my feet.
I'm aging fast and growing small,
my dreams get far and start to fall.
I lose my views from crowds around,
people saying I'm hell-bound.
But all I do is sit and stare,
listen in on all their prayers.
I piece together my odd hands,
play and gamble until I'm a man.
I laugh a lot to ease my pain
and cry a lot when love's to blame.
My life's my own and I'm content.
God only knows my true intent.

50 Reasons Why I'm A Catch

1. I am friendly.

2. I clean without being asked.

3. I'm naturally warm blooded (like a space heater).

4. I don't get migraines.

5. I know how to say the alphabet backwards, slowly.

6. I can believe it's not butter.

7. I hate Nickleback.

8. I know how to make fire.

9. I have battle scars.

10. My palms get sweaty when I get nervous.

11. My favorite movie is Stranger than Fiction.

12. I'm not good at first shooter video games.

13. I know how many megabytes are in a gigabyte.

14. My favorite color is green because of my 1st grade crush.

15. The U.S. economy doesn't stress me out.

16. I can fix your stubbed toe.

17. I enjoy cooking.

18. I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop.

19. I've never seen High School Musical.

20. I'm not a good lier.

21. I sing in the shower.

22. I like to spoon.

23. I've never lost at Monopoly.

24. I can relate.

25. I can fix it.

26. ...because you're worth it.

27. I'm Irish... yet sensitive.

28. I can always ring the carnival bell.

29. I won't donkey punch you.

30. I'm not on Megan's List.

31. I'm not the deadliest catch, but I'm pretty witty.

33. I can run a marathon.

34. I don't get motion sickness.

35. I live in the state of Chuck Norris (literally).

36. I dream in color.

37. I've never won at Hungry Hungry Hippo.

38. I will never "let you win" at Hungry Hungry Hippo.

39. I'll half stand every time you leave the table.

40. I always walk closest to the road.

41. My shoulder is more absorbent than a tissue.

42. I was born with a hand like Spiderman.

43. I know ballet.

44. I will be your tiny dancer.

45. I built a house.

46. I'm a brick house.

47. I've eaten green eggs and ham... and liked it.

48. I avoid getting caught in the rain but would cherish it with you.

49. I don't like pneumonia.

50. I'm single.

The Art of Seduction

Lately I've been staying up late watching foreign films, most of them French, and I mentioned one of them to a friend of mine. It's about a young man who has trouble discerning dreams from reality. This man is trying to win the heart of a young woman who lives in the adjacent apartment from him. A man at his work keeps giving him chauvinistic advise to stop being a chicken and just sleep with her. He uses the word "seduce" a few times in the film. I was explaining to my friend how it was slightly difficult to understand which parts of the film were meant to be strange and which parts were odd because of the difference in culture.
A few days later that same friend and I went to the movie theatre. We watched a "psyochosexual thriller" that's portrayed in a very artsy way. One of the main male characters (whom I think was suppose to be French) "seduces" the lead actress, but honestly, it looked more forced than captivating.
After the movie, we talked about how the movie portrayed seduction and my friend asked if that's what I though seduction was. Since I told him about that French film, and since he thought French people were suppose to be the romantic ones, he wondered if seduction actually looked closer to the movie... closer to rape.
Seduction is power without force, confidence without arrogance, and trepidation without fear. I told him that I thought the movies had it all wrong. "Yes," I thought, "seduction is all these things... but not forced."
What do I know though, I'm not French.