Taking Over

The leaves fall like rain, I feel the wind blowing me away.
Spring time comes with broken hearts, it's just the start of something new.
Days go by with the blink of an eye and I sit here wondering why.

Yesterday fell, so hard on its face. Today gets up, and finds its own place.

Every day I feel like crying, I lost the will to keep on trying.
Whether it be, you or me, it's time to face our naïvety.

A lost love is everything a lost soul needs,
To complete the deepest grievance ever known.

Why here, and why now,
Who says, and who knows,

Right here, and right now,
I say, and I know it's taking over me.

It's taking, taking, it's taking over me.
Taking, taking, it's taking over me.

Be bold and take hold,
It's taking over me.

2009

This year, I got just a little bit closer to understanding love, as impossible as that may be. I finally saw a heart up close. I felt it. It was warm and soothing to feel the beats. They are such fragile things with the power of a double edged sword.

Lately I've been at a loss for words. I think this is because this year has challenged almost all my previous perceptions of love. The point is, I'm 22 and learning. I've never been married. I'm not 100 years old with wisdom of a saint. I'm a young man with the free will to love whoever I choose. I avoid heartbreak as much as possible, I kiss when kissed, I think before speaking, I forget, I remember, I mess up, I make up, I admit, I love. My heart used to sit on my sleeve. It's a little harder to do these days.

I learned that no matter how pure and honest your intentions are, the world can manipulate and misconstrue every step of the way. And all I can do is walk away. People will believe what they want to believe. Life will go on. Days will get cloudy, but the storm will pass.

Four Days

Stay up late, contemplate. It's been four days and still I ache. Check my phone, check my mail, check my mind and then exhale. No happiness. Guilt, blame, and bitter pain. It hurts. It's not the same.

Still

The truth is, I sit and write, day and night, rewrite, un-write, throw away, start over, sit, think, write, "right?", wrong, trash. I don't know how to say what I want to say. I want it perfect. I want us perfect. But this isn't a perfect world and I am only human.

The night I met you, butterflies flew, flapped their wings and I knew. It was the story behind the eyes that drew me into you. I have never been cared for so intimately. I don't argue how we met, whether fate or serendipity. I am simply grateful and thankful for you.

Unknown November

I don't know... I don't know anymore. When I start to get a grasp on what is going on, on what I'm doing here, where I'm suppose to be... things start to fall apart and everything changes. For the sake of sanity and everyone around me, I wish I knew.

I wish I knew me better. I wish I knew why I ruin what's good in my life. Is there really a problem or is it in my head? Why am I so scared to let something good happen?

My eyes are so heavy. Winter lays on top of me for now and I will try to sleep long. Time needs to pass. Spring will be here soon and I will take advantage to grow in the warm sun.

I'm just not the same... empty, disoriented, pessimistic, unmotivated, and unhappy. That's not who I am. That's never who I've been. What's happening to me? Why can't I figure out what's going on?!